As some of you may know we recently went on a holiday to the island of Gran Canaria off the west coast of Africa. We had awesome weather thanks to a Kalima so it was 33ish every day with clear blue skies...at the end of October! Great result. Perfect weather, perfect food, perfect everything. Sarah & I felt a bit rough for the first couple of days as we were shaking off a bit of a chesty one. But only four hours flight time from London and no bloody mosquitos. Plus, I could not get an iphone signal and had left my charger at home. the universe was telling me particularly to switch off. Perfect!
When we got there I organised a cheeky upgrade to a junior suite on the top floor with a fantastic dunes, ocean and pool view. The scene was set for an awesome week.
ORDINARY HEPBURN
The first morning we went down to breakfast and started tucking in to pancakes, french toast, fresh papaya, mango, melon and the usual cooked fare. After a magnificent group hug (there were loads all holiday) I observed that Sarah looked like Audrey Hepburn with her large shades and commented as much. Coby responded by calling Sarah 'Ordinary Hepburn' and to be honest we fell about laughing for a while. The perfect start to the perfect day of what was shaping up to be a perfect holiday. Coby was in hysterics about it and was just cracking us up with his laughter.
NO DESSERT, MORE SWIMMING & DAD'S HOLIDAY DRINK
After breakfast we made straight for the pool visible from our large L-shaped balcony with two gorgeous sun loungers on, yes thats right, the balcony with the gorgeous view. Did I mention that already? Anyway, the pool visible was called 'The Lazy River': a ribbon of water 15 feet wide, 500 feet long in a large squarish shape with loads of bends and water jets to create a gentle current. Lovely warm(ish) water more than warm enough for me to jump into without a thought.
So Coby & I got ready, Sarah proceeded to sunbathe. I jumped in and helped Coby in via his Tweetie-pie rubber ring. Coby & I drifted round taking 45 minutes to do a full circuit. When we got back to Sarah he was having a great time. So we did another circuit. Drifting. Lazing. Bobbing. Spinning. Splashing. Laughing. With various gaps, mucking about and so on by the time we got back to Sarah after the 3rd circuit it was time for lunch (massive buffet with loads of freshly grilled meats and fish, salads and so on...bliss).
By the way it turns out I love Fanta Lemon. Every meal we had apart from Breakfast, that would be Dad's drink. It became known as my Holiday Drink. So refreshing. Is it my fault it's so bloody refreshing? Anyway, by the end of the holiday Coby was pleading with me not to have another single Fanta Lemon. "Anything else Dad, but not another Fanta Lemon. Please Dad, Please!!!" Hysterical.
When I suggested to Coby we get out of the Lazy River this previously water-shy little monkey went mad and said he didnt want lunch and wanted to stay in the water instead. Sarah & I could not believe the transformation possible in under a few hours. We had to bribe Coby to go for lunch by promising him we would come straight back and would not have dessert! He chose swimming over dessert. We were frankly in shock. Coby's issues with water and swimming were clearly resolved.
OFF-ROADING
Next day we had organised a 4x4 Safari around the island. It was a full-day adventure that took us way up into the mountainous volcanic peaks and origins of the island with awesome views. We then ventured down to a Camel Park and had lunch followed by a hilarious trip on a camel. I was dismayed to see myself equated with a bag of sand on Sarah's side to even things out. Coby perched on top really did give it the full Lawrence of Arabia style. Our camel (Isabel) really earned her dinner that day I can tell you.
After lunch and the camel ride we went seriously off-road through a dried out river bed. Seriously rough. Seriously dusty. Highlight being Coby trying to drink a drink whilst our driver (Sweeney) navigated some of the tougher terrain. He did not spill a drop but to be honest it was hysterical to watch. Like something out of an Airplane movie.
FOREIGN TV, HOMEWORK & THE RED-TOE GANG
Every mid-to-late afternoon we would retire to our suite, the one with the awesome view, and freshen up, chill out, mooch about, read, nap etc before the no-doubt challenging evening of more eating and some entertainment etc. The TV would invariably get switched on (Sarah & I did not care to know what was happening in the world so no news at all) and Coby would be allowed to explore and try to locate something to watch for 30 minutes or so. He was devasted (we were delighted) to discover Spanish and German kids TV is awful. He managed to tolerate some shows he recognised even though they were in another language. I'm sure he picked up a few words.
All of this tv disappointment made cracking on with his half-term homework that much easier. We had great fun playing various spelling, word and maths related games. Best of all was when Coby lined up all his letters he was learning in phonics and asked me to pronounce them. For example: ganscafritelopogogiritisadich - easy peasy. Again, we found ourselves howling with laughter as I pulled off insane word after insane word. Coby found it astonishing and would peel with laughter as I reached the end with a graceful flourish.
One afternoon Cobes asked Sarah to paint his big toenails red with her nail polish. She obliged and rather predictably, he went bananas and regretted it. We had no remover so he was well and truly stuck with it. He was distraught and would not be consoled. There was only one thing to do: I had my nails done too. Suddenly the whole thing became transformed into Coby, Sarah & I being transformed in to the Red Toe Pirate Gang with Sarah as the Pirate Queen. What a result!
MAGIC MICHAEL & THE EYEBROWS OF CHOOCH
One night we were sat waiting for the entertainment which that particular night was a talented bunch of drumming, dancing and singing guys from Senegal. A chap was sat next to us and he got up with his partner and started dancing to the music that was playing. His dancing was clearly of a very high standard and he had a touch of the Michael Jackson to his moves. Everyone applauded when they sat down (it was that good!) and we started talking. Turns out he is a well-known MJ impersonator and dancer. He also did other stuff including magic and he proceeded to wow Coby with various magic tricks. Coby, of course, then wowed him with a trick or two. Such a showman!
What really blew us away though was Coby's use of his eyebrows. He would raise them and drop them whilst smiling cheekily as if it was an integral part of his act. Next time you see him, ask him to show you The Eyebrows of Chooch! I'm sure he'll oblige.
THREE LITTLE PIGS
One afternoon when we had retired to our room (yeah, the one with awesome view) Coby & I came up with a plan to put on a play for Sarah - she had felt rough and headachey that day and not ventured out, so Cobes & I had missed her and wanted to make it up to her. So, Coby took charge (shocking!) and decided we were to do a finger puppet show of the story of Three Little Pigs. He even came up with a sort of 'Scarface' variant ending where the wolf locked the pigs and himself in the bathroom and ate them all up. But apparently it still ended up happy ever after as far as Cobes was concerned.
THE RAZY LIVER, DEATH TO TWEETIE PIE & 'THE SCARE'
As we were more or less living in the Lazy River and saying the words multiple times it was inevitable
we would rename it and so it became known as the Razy Liver with emphasis on the R in Razy and the end of liver. Cobes & I really hammed it up! Living in the Razy Liver was divine and it was not long before Coby, one day whilst at a local shop, spied a small inflatable boat with a see-through panel and decided it was time to move on from Tweetie-Pie. So, we bought the boat and he loved the freedom it gave him and the pirate potential it brought. One day we were playing in the water with some friends he had made and their mum when all of a sudden the mum said 'Oh My God, he's fallen in!' Coby had no armbands at all this holiday so he was in the boat without them and he had fallen in the one time I took my eye off him. It took about 2-3 seconds to get to him and he was scooped out of the water understandably shaken. Milliseconds later he was fine and ready for more. I however needed a JD & Coke - total nervous wreck! He was fine though and straight back in the water.
HOLIDAY BREAKFASTS
And so the holiday drew to a close but we brought one key thing with us back home, something to remind us of our holiday each weekend. The Holiday Breakfast. Every Saturday morning from now on. Feel free to try and wangle an invite, you won't regret it! No Razy Liver though sadly ;)
