To sleep or not to sleep!

That is the question! I consider myself very fortunate in that I have always slept very well. I try and go to bed at a reasonable hour and usually sleep right through to my alarm and wake up having had a good seven or eight hours decent slumber.

What is going on??I am frantic and if I don't get a decent night's sleep soon, my head is going to explode! I was warned and read in many books that sleep during pregnancy would change. Of course it's bound to change for many reasons but now I'm just weeks away from giving birth I may as well be sleeping on a bed of nails adrift in the middle of the North Atlantic with sharks and jellyfish lingering only a few metres below (that actually sounds quite hellish - chilly for one thing).

First of all -pillows. They start plumped up, fluffy and arranged in a bespoke way especially for my very own sleeping pleasure. Suddenly, at 3a.m, I wake up and pillows are lumpy, bumpy and making my neck ache and I throw at least one across the room. Mr H is a VERY light sleeper and murmours "you ok babe?". I respond with a "hmmphh" and start punching pillows. Mr H is already back in the land of slumber (yeah, good for him).

For quite a few months now I have been unable to sleep on my back and it's not recommended during pregnancy anyway. The optimum position that is beneficial to both mum and baby is lying on the left side. Fine, if your sciatic nerves aren't making themselves felt, your pelvis isn't stretching in preparation for birth and your boobs aren't in the way!

So I try and settle on the right side. Fine, if your sciatic nerves aren't making themselves felt, your pelvis isn't stretching in preparation for birth and your boobs aren't in the way! Did I say that already? Sorry, must be the sleep deprivation.

This all comes without mentioning the heartburn and shortness of breath that make it uncomfortable to sleep flat. Propped up with my trusty maternity pillow, I often fall asleep sitting upright, but of course wake up to find I've slipped down a few notches and my neck is bent forwards with trusty maternity pillow pressed against the wall. It then becomes a prop to rest the bump on and support my knees, but it's so long and awkward when stretched out fully, that it soon becomes an annoying sack of potatoes.

If I can get passed all of the above, then there is the bladder the size of a pea to contend with. It takes me a good two minutes to get out of bed and limp to the toilet for a start. When I get there my bladder represents a dripping tap instead of the expected Niagra Falls. Thats when the frustration sets in. And if it's not bladder discomfort, its hunger pangs and if its not hunger pangs its numb fingers. Numb fingers? What's that all about? My wedding ring can barely get passed my little finger at the moment. I often wake up in the night with pins and needles in my fingers and they look like fat little sausages too.

Moan, moan, moan. Mr Sandman, please bring me a dream and not the vivid, anxiety fuelled nightmares that also impair my attempts at sleep. So far I've given birth to triplets, my baby has been breastfed by a family member because 'I wasn't around to do it' and I've given birth to one of those fluffy things from the infamous episode of Star Trek (Mr H - what are they called again?) where they breed and spread like wildfire. I don't need a psychologist to explain what these dreams mean, its all just my sub-conscious mind and natural fears and anxieties coming through. No, what I need is SLEEP!